I’m sitting at my vanity looking in the mirror trying to get myself motivated to start the day. I seem to be in a funk or maybe a depression since coming home from my mini vacation in Vegas. I’m at least aware of my favorite place to hide, the river of denial.I know something is not right within me. I have always been able to deal with any situation and move through it with speed, grace, and understanding. I don’t take a lot of time allowing myself to process the events of a situation because I have a hundred more events that require my complete attention. I have been taking the time all week to get in touch with me. What is triggering this confusion, sadness, or melancholy in me. I retrace my steps and I finally track down the beginning of the how, what where, and why this is all occurring. I’m with Apryl and Joey, and all the dogs are playing at their home. It’s great fun to watch, and join in with all of them. At one moment Apryl ask me if I miss Star, I respond too quickly with a no. That’s when I start to lie to myself. I now realize I was holding back all of my emotion from the huge loss I have been feeling since Kc died, and Star moved away. I felt if I spoke of it out loud a dam from within me would burst and there would be no holding back my tears, and sorrow. Just writing this now I feel an avalanche of sentiment washing over me. I have always dealt with life one step at a time. A crisis was something you dealt with and moved on. I never took the time to spend feeling what was going on because there was someone, or something else that needed or demanded my full attention. This is not a complaint, but my life. I’ve had to put so many feelings aside to help those I love through very difficult situations, that I became accustom to this way of handling my feelings. Here I sit now owning the pain of my loss, and admitting that I miss Star. 
This does not mean Star needs to move back into my home b/c Star really is at home with her pack. I believe by acknowledging my feelings, and giving them the voice that was necessary I will begin to allow myself to grieve, and then the real healing will begin.
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{{{hugs}}} Candy. Allow yourself to feel it x
What you wrote is very brave and your honesty will help others be brave enough to own their feelings, including me. You are both such special people. Thank you for all you do to help people be stronger!
Thank you Caz, much appreciated.
xoxo, Candy
Thank you Lauren, your comments are very much appreciated.
Thank you also for all your hard work always.
xoxo,
Candy
After KC transitioned, I read the piece/peace you wrote about what you were dealing with and how you were processing things, Candy. I was impressed with the way you handled the questions about filling your life with new dogs, etc… and addressing the idea of Star’s new found gift of a pack of her own.
I thought then, as I do now, what a healthy example you are for women especially. We are naturally caregivers and nurturers. You are so much so, what a beautiful way to express healthy love/care-giving for Star, as well as yourself. The BEST interest for ALL involved! <3
Now that Kenya has transitioned, I too find myself wandering around the yard, filling hummingbird feeders and digging in the garden with a peaceful, pensive heart. I love ALL animals… I've been asked already if I'll "get" another dog. I feel totally fulfilled by Kenya's15 year life, I'm not diminished by her moving on. I just need a lot of peaceful time to enjoy her quiet presence. Lovingly ~ Laegan
Laegan, I agree with what you said b/c it’s nice to sit in a space and allow the spirits to surround you with their love n b/c I have these moments that are not cluttered with fulling the needs of others I am blessed to feel the presences of the Angels n I also can hear the song from within.
xoxo,
Candy
Candy, I think you might need to find a quiet place and cry until you can’t cry anymore. It takes time too. Your life is so busy and youre trying to hold everyone up( I’m kind of doing the same here right now) but we arent Superwomen. and our sweet fur babies are such a special place to us…they help hold us up and when theyre gone, you’re doing it all on your own. I know my Mimis helps me more than I know. Sending you love & light. and please give Star a hug from me.